A poem for yesterday

Behind the closed door rests the open mind
Awaiting the signal it is safe to come out
Hoping against hope it won't come today
Maybe tomorrow, if that would hold sway

We squawk in our caged black and white world
Flagrantly ignoring that gray matters
Scouring our tablets and smartphones and toys
For like-minded thinkers instructing whom to avoid

Both Real and Perceived injustice are spotted
Hiding in plain sight
Look! can't you see them!
Right there, peering out from behind the tree of knowledge

And now they step out from the shadows
Each bringing their supporters into the arena
On separate sides of the ring
Marching down the aisle of indignation
As the crowd cheers them on

Anticipation grows as the fight draws near
Perceived reaching the ring first
With fist held high and emotions aflare
Waiting for Real to enter the glare

But Real is impervious to taunting and screams
For he wears the crown of the champion
Really only showing for the payday
That comes with this display

Now deafening the roar of voices
bloodlust awoken and seeking the righteous victor
Anticipating the sound of the bell
That opens the closed door

Yet the rounds go by and it becomes clear
The opponents, though trying, can not land a punch
Each moving and swaying with increasing unease
Drained of self confidence degree by degree

The crowd is still yelling
Unnerved by the sight
That their own personal champion
Can not win this fight

So the door slowly closes
As the final bell rings
And the winner is chosen
By whomever pulls the strings...

Superbowl mystery solved

Dear Congressman,

My apologies for my lack of activity over the last year or so, but then again, I think the same could be said about you and your fellow members of the House.

But that is not why I am writing today.

I think I have come up with a solution for the inability of the local professional football team to win a Superbowl. In retrospect, I should have thought of this sooner, but the continuous bi-polar status of joy followed quickly by overwhelming grief on an annual basis that dictates the lives of all Cincinnati Bengal fans shielded me from the true source of the problem for many years.

I took a long session of critical thinking on my part to come up with the idea, which entailed staring at the practice field next to Paul Brown Stadium as my bus raced past on it's way to the airport. I then took the time during my lunch break to verify if I was correct in my assumption, which I was.

So, since you have read this far, you might as well review my data.

Teams named after People	Games	Win	Loss
Pittsburgh Steelers	8	6	2
Dallas Cowboys	8	5	3
New England Patriots	7	3	4
San Francisco 49ers	6	5	1
Green Bay Packers	5	4	1
Los Angeles/Oakland Raiders	5	3	2
Washington Redskins	5	3	2
Minnesota Vikings	4	0	4
Kansas City Chiefs	2	1	1
Houston Texans	0	0	0
Tampa Bay Buccaneers	1	1	0
	51	31	20
Named after Horses	Games	Win	Loss
Baltimore/Indianapolis Colts	4	2	2
Denver Broncos	7	2	5
	11	4	7
Named after Birds	Games	Win	Loss
Seattle Seahawks	2	1	1
Baltimore Ravens	2	2	0
Philadelphia Eagles	2	0	2
Atlanta Falcons	1	0	1
Arizona Cardinals	1	0	1
	8	3	5
Named after mythical tall people	Games	Win	Loss
New York Giants	5	4	1
Tennessee Titans	1	0	1
	6	4	2
Named after Miscellanous Animal Kingdom	Games	Win	Loss
Miami Dolphins	5	2	3
Buffalo Bills	4	0	4
Los Angeles/St. Louis Rams	3	1	2
Chicago Bears	2	1	1
	14	4	10
Other Intangible Names	Games	Win	Loss
New York Jets	1	1	0
New Orleans Saints	1	1	0
San Diego Chargers	1	0	1
Cleveland Browns	0	0	0
	3	2	1
Named after Cats	Games	Win	Loss
Detroit Lions	0	0	0
Jacksonville Jaguars	0	0	0
Carolina Panthers	1	0	1
Cincinnati Bengals	2	0	2
	3	0	3

So there it is, a team named after a type of kitty cat has NEVER WON THE SUPERBOWL.

Thus, I now propose an experiment. For one season we refer to the Bengals as something other than a cat, maybe adopt the unofficial ESPN name of the Bungles. Or may just the Bens, in honor of Ben Franklin, since, after all, that is what this is all about anyway.

Go Bens Go Bens Go Bens!

Starters to conversations you would rather not have

Dear Congressman,

Occasionally, you automatically know when you hear certain sentences that you, in all likelihood, do not want to hear what comes next. For your review, here are a couple of examples...

“At my wedding, there were two hundred other followers of the Reverend Moon also…”

“I noticed while changing your oil that your alerotic regulator distension cable is sheared and needs to be …”

“Attention, this is your lead flight attendant, if anyone in the cabin has aviation experience please raise…”

“Daddy, what does Kayne mean when he says…”

“Sir, do you have another credit card, this one…”

“I’d like to welcome everyone to today’s nudist over-eaters anonymous meeting…”

“You have the right to remain silent…”

“A table for two? I would estimate the wait around 85 to 135 ….”

Selfies for the over 50 crowd

A real charlie foxtrot, Ja? Oui!!!

Dear Congressman,

Occasionally one will here about Académie française, or the French Academy, which since 1635 has defended the French language from being littered with words and phrases from other less worthy tongues. It does this by publishing a dictionary outlining acceptable words to use while smoking Gauloises and sipping a demitasse of expresso.

This body consists of 40 members who rule over the French language in an exclusive club that you join for life, unless you are Phillipe Petain and create a government (Vichy) during world war II that collaborates with Nazi Germany, and then you are politely asked to resign. By controlling this dictionary, the body 'guides' the use of the French language.

Germany has a standard dictionary as well, Duden, but no panel of aristocracy convening to decide which words from barbarian languages are to be incorporated into it.

And they might need to start one, as Germany is well known for their discipline and attention to detail, I think you would agree that this one got away. 

It appears that Chancellor Angela Merkel had the honor of introducing a new word into the Teutonic vocabulary, as her use of this term made it acceptable lingo, and foreshadowed it's entry into the Duden dictionary.  In fact, German language experts voted it "Anglicism of the year" in 2012.

It appears during the Eurozone economic crisis, the German people found a word to best describe the anxiety and fear that came along with failing banks and pissed off Greeks.

So welcome to the German language, "Shitstorm".

Well played Deutschland, well played...

Because companies are people too...

July 2, 2013

Dear Mr. Snowden,

This correspondence is to acknowledge the receipt of your letter dated June 29, 2013 requesting asylum from the United States of America from prosecution for the charge of espionage.

We thank you for think highly enough of us to make this request, however, after careful consideration, we must decline at this time.

Whereas we are not “beholden to the USA” as you noted in your letter, we do have considerable business interest within the borders of that particular country and these could be jeopardized without the promise of additional revenue streams from other sources if we grant your request.

Another issue is that, as a Fortune 500 company, we technically do not have a legal recognized right to grant asylum to individual citizens of other nations. We do agree with your argument that, for all intrinsic purposes, we are a sovereign nation unto ourselves. However, from a practical standpoint our corporate headquarters in Georgetown, Grand Cayman, is a post office box. and to be frank, whereas it is large enough to hold an individual person, it is not equipped with the amenities necessary to house and feed political refugees such as yourself.

If in the future you have issues with the United States of America in the area of taxes or commercial law, we can make a recommendation for several effective lobbyists in the Washington D.C. area who have served us well over the last decade.

If there are any other matters to which we can be of assistance, please do not hesitate to contact us. Good luck in your continuing endeavors for a new home.

Sincerely,

Gerald Hoffman

Legal Affairs Spokesman

International Business Machines Corporation

OFFICIAL(Sounding) RELEASE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Boring blog ends agreement with Paula Deen

Cincinnati, Ohio -6/29/2013 8:46 AM – The boring blog for Congressman Steve Chabot is announcing that it is officially cut all ties with Paula Deen and Paula Deen Enterprises as of  June 29, 2013. The blog, which is fairly certain Congressman Chabot has never actually read or heard of, will no longer run banner ads for Ms. Deen or spend weekends with her drinking vintage Chardonnays in her hot tub.

We wish Ms. Deen good luck with her future endeavors, because, based  on the last few days, she is going to need it.

Contact:
Rich in Cincy

http://boringblogforchabot.blogspot.com